Are We A Good Match? How to Find the Right Therapist For You

Finding a therapist can be a challenging process. There are numerous therapists, specialties, and theoretical approaches that many of us are unfamiliar with, unless we have a background in psychology or a strong interest in the subject. Several factors contribute to choosing the right therapist. A client may want a counselor who shares their racial or ethnic background or who practices a particular religion. An older client may look for an older counselor, as they may be unable to trust the life experience of someone younger, and a younger client may seek a younger counselor. Women may seek out female counselors, as they search for someone who can truly understand them. How can we tell if the therapist is a good match for us? Let’s explore key areas to consider when selecting the right therapist for you.

What Should We Consider When Choosing a Therapist?

Specialties: When starting the search for a therapist, the first thing one will want to consider is the area(s) in which the therapist specializes. A quick search on Psychology Today will provide us with pages of therapists offering a wide range of specialties, but this is not always the case. There is no way a single therapist can specialize in every single area, and counselors often list other areas of expertise to enhance their ability to gain clients. We always want to ensure that the counselor specializes in a particular area or works under the supervision of a licensed counselor in that area. If I have suffered from a traumatic event, I am not going to seek out a therapist who specializes in eating disorders; I want someone who specializes in trauma!

Theoretical Approach: Many believe that therapy is just chatting about our problems to a listening ear, but it is much more than that. Every question, technique, worksheet, and exercise we practice ties back to a theoretical approach. Person-centered therapy (PCT) is a less structured approach that allows the therapist to meet the client on their level, recognizing that they already possess the necessary resources to succeed. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common approach used to reframe maladaptive thoughts and negative thought patterns. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a more structured and direct approach than other forms of therapy. We want to ensure that the therapist’s theoretical approach aligns with our comfort level, and we want to research it thoroughly. Don’t pick a counselor who works with DBT if homework does not sound enticing! 

Therapist Compliance: All mental health counselors should have some record of their experience or history on the internet. It is always a good idea to conduct thorough research and ensure that the therapist complies with all relevant legal and ethical codes. Does the counselor have open malpractice cases? Do they adhere to the ethical standards of the profession? Do they seem authentic, or is the counselor putting on a front that we can see right through? We can only hope that every counselor complies with the ethics and legalities of the state in which they are licensed to practice; however, we also want to ensure they are actually licensed. Licensed mental health counselors have NPI numbers for a reason! With enough research, we’ll have a good sense of who the therapist is, how they work, and how they can help us reach our unique therapeutic goals. 

I’ve Chosen the Therapist. How Do I Know If It’s a Good Fit?

Feeling Judged?: Therapists are meant to challenge us and get us to think outside of the box, but we should never feel shamed by our therapists. Suppose we believe our therapist genuinely looks down upon us or shames us into feeling guilty about ourselves or sharing particular aspects of our lives. In that case, the relationship might not be the best collaboration, and we might want to seek care elsewhere.

Was it my session? Therapy sessions belong to the client, regardless of the counselor’s therapeutic orientation. If we are in session, but our therapist is talking about themselves more than holding space for us, we should reconsider the relationship. It’s normal for therapists to share a small snippet or two from their lives or share a story, but a therapist’s personal life should not dominate our session. If we, as the client, spend more time listening to the therapist's stories than our own, that might be a red flag to rethink the relationship and its benefits if the behavior becomes a pattern. This is where we want to ensure we know what type of therapy we’re receiving! Psychedoeducation, for example, includes various lessons where the therapist will be doing a lot of the talking, but this should be about the lesson, not their personal life. 

A Major Red Flag; Run and Report!

If we are ever in session and our therapist makes advances (romantic, sexual), touches us inappropriately, or violates confidentiality, we need to report that counselor to the state licensing board they belong to immediately. In New York State, such information can be found at www.op.nysed.gov/. Therapists belong to various professional organizations and must adhere to multiple codes of ethics.​​ If we ever work with a therapist whom we believe is violating ethical codes, we can report the issue on the same website.

The therapeutic relationship between counselor and client is a highly personal and unique one, and, like any relationship, requires the cooperation, patience, and understanding of all parties involved to achieve optimal results. We must be comfortable with our therapists and trust them enough to share the most intimate, vulnerable parts of our lives (if that pertains to our treatment plan or therapeutic goals). If something does not seem right or seems too good to be true, it might be! It is crucial to conduct thorough research to ensure our counselors are in good standing, both professionally and ethically. Ethical codes can vary from state to state; however, the American Counseling Association (ACA) has published a free ethical guidebook, available at www.counseling.org. As a client, it is worth exploring the ethical guidelines counselors should adhere to; we might be surprised at what we find!