Domestic Violence Against Men: Making Room for Their Experiences

The CDC’s 2023/2024 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey found that 17% of U.S. men, or about 20.7 million, had experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. These figures do not include every form of abuse, such as psychological aggression.

For a man experiencing domestic violence, finding the words to describe what is happening can be difficult. He may wonder whether anyone will believe him, whether his experience counts as abuse, or whether asking for help will change how others see him. Expectations that men should be strong, remain in control, and handle problems alone can make speaking up feel especially difficult.

Men deserve to have their experiences taken seriously. Creating space for their stories helps build a broader understanding of domestic violence and ensures that more people can recognize when they need support.

Recognizing Abuse in a Relationship

Domestic violence can involve physical harm, sexual violence, stalking, and psychological aggression. When abuse occurs between current or former romantic partners, it is also called intimate partner violence. It can affect people across genders and sexual orientations. An experience does not need to leave a visible injury to cause harm.

Abuse may involve a partner repeatedly humiliating someone, controlling access to money, isolating them from friends, or using threats to influence their decisions. A partner may monitor messages or location, damage belongings, or pressure someone into sexual activity without consent. These behaviors can restrict a person’s independence and make everyday choices feel unsafe.

For example, someone might stop seeing friends because their partner repeatedly uses guilt, starts arguments to pressure them into staying home, or threatens them whenever they make plans to go out. They might hand over passwords because refusing leads to intimidation. Over time, the relationship may begin to revolve around avoiding the partner’s reaction. Recognizing these patterns can help someone name an experience they previously struggled to explain.

Why Speaking Up Can Be Difficult

Many men face the assumption that they should be able to protect themselves because of their size or physical strength. Others hear jokes about men experiencing abuse or encounter disbelief when they try to talk about it. These responses can reinforce shame and discourage future attempts to seek help.

A man may begin to question himself: “Should I have been able to stop this?” or “Will people think I am weak?” These questions reflect harmful expectations about masculinity. Experiencing abuse does not make someone less capable, and needing support does not diminish their worth.

There may also be practical and emotional barriers to leaving. Someone may share children, housing, or finances with their partner. They may still love that person, hope the relationship will improve, or fear what will happen if they leave. Understanding these circumstances helps shift the conversation away from blame and toward the support a person needs.

The Emotional Impact

Abuse can affect a person’s sense of safety long after a particular incident ends. The CDC identifies fear, concern for personal safety, and symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder among the impacts reported by male survivors. These experiences deserve attention even when someone continues attending school, working, or meeting daily responsibilities.

A person does not have to prove that their suffering is severe enough to deserve care. Being able to describe what happened at their own pace, without having to defend their emotional response, can be an important part of receiving support.

Seeking Support at Your Own Pace

A first step may involve speaking with a trusted person or contacting a domestic violence advocate. An advocate can help someone explore available resources and create a personalized safety plan. This plan can address safety while remaining in the relationship, preparing to leave, or after leaving. Seeking information does not require having every decision figured out.

If a partner monitors devices or accounts, using a safer device to contact support may be important. Safety planning should reflect the person’s circumstances, including their privacy, living situation, and access to help.

When someone shares an experience of abuse, listening without ridicule or judgment matters. A supportive response might be: “Thank you for telling me. You deserve to feel safe. How can I support you?” Men should be able to ask for help without having their masculinity questioned or their experiences dismissed.

Where to Find Help

In the United States, the National Domestic Violence Hotline supports survivors of all genders. Call 800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or visit thehotline.org to connect with an advocate. Support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 if it is safe to do so.

Everyone deserves a relationship where safety, consent, and respect are part of everyday life. Men who experience domestic violence deserve to be heard, supported, and given space to decide what comes next.