Self-sabotaging behaviors are actions that can unconsciously or consciously prevent us from achieving our goals, keeping us stuck in a loop of frustration and disappointment. We may self sabotage because it offers temporary relief or a sense of control. These behaviors can look like procrastination, negative self talk, impulsive and risk taking behaviors, avoiding positive change and many more. It often emerges as a way to cope with fears, negative emotions, or insecurities. When we recognize the patterns of our self sabotaging behaviors, we are able to take steps towards breaking the cycle. Let's explore different ways to manage self sabotaging behaviors with dialectical behavior skills.
The Role of Mindfulness in Overcoming Self-Sabotage
Mindfulness is a skill in DBT that teaches us to be more aware of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without judgment. We can observe our behaviors without judgment by not adding a “good” or “bad” label to our behaviors. When we find ourselves being self-critical, it can reinforce the sabotaging behaviors. Observing our behaviors without judgment can make it easier for us to have more self compassion when we recognize these behaviors. When we are observing our behaviors without judgment, we can also take steps to notice what triggers them and take a step away from acting impulsively. Being mindful can help us notice what situations, people, or emotions can trigger self sabotage. We can also pay attention to the physical sensations and emotions we may feel before performing self sabotaging behaviors. For instance, if we are arguing with someone else, we may feel chest tightness or a headache.These physical sensations can occur before we respond in a defensive way.
Using Self Soothing Skills to Combat Self-Sabotage
Distress tolerance is a DBT module that we can practice when we get urges to self sabotage. The self soothing skill is one of the distress tolerance skills in DBT that helps us cope with intense emotions and urges without acting on them impulsively. It is about learning to care for ourselves in moments of distress. Self sabotage usually happens when we feel overwhelmed by negative feelings. We can practice self soothing by using our five senses to comfort ourselves in times when we feel overwhelmed and distressed.
Sight, we can look at calming visuals like a video of waves crashing on a beach
Sound, we can listen to nature sounds such as rain falling
Smells, like your favorite scent or the smell of lavender or mint to create a sense of calm
Taste, to enjoy our comfort meals and pay more attention to flavors and textures
Touch, to like touching something soft like a blanket or if we have a furry pet, we can snuggle with them.
Using Urge Surfing to Combat Self-Sabotage
Urge surfing is another distress tolerance skill. We can do this by imaging the self sabotaging behavior as a wave that will come and go. Instead of acting on the urge, we can observe how it comes and goes. On the Mindful Insights website, we have a video collection with videos of various techniques for mindfulness and self care. Here is a link to a video about how to practice urge surfing.
Steps to Growth: Practicing DBT skills for Self-Awareness and Change
We can take certain steps to grow when practicing DBT skills. We can participate in daily check-ins by setting aside a few minutes each day to notice our thoughts and emotions. This is one way we can recognize patterns of how the self sabotage behaviors emerged and reflect on them. Another technique we can try is performing body scans. We can do this by paying attention to the physical sensations and emotional states that may signal that a behavior is about to happen. If these are not effective, we can practice journaling. After self sabotaging behavior, we can take a moment to write down exactly what happened. We can describe the situations, how we felt, what was going through our minds and the physical sensations without judgments. It is effective in being able to notice recurring patterns in our behaviors over time.
Managing self-sabotaging behaviors with DBT skills helps individuals seeking to break harmful patterns and build healthier coping mechanisms. By practicing awareness of the triggers and behavior itself, DBT allows us to develop more adaptive strategies to cope with difficult emotions and make decisions that align with our long-term goals. Over time, the consistent practice of these skills can enhance self-acceptance, reduce impulsivity, and build resilience,leading to a more balanced, fulfilling life.
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