How I Rebuild Routines Without Self-Hate
- Nyrobi Manuel
- Sep 11
- 2 min read
I’ve been in a bit of a reset phase lately.
Last month I felt really connected to my routines. I was moving my body, eating meals that made me feel good, and showing up for my work in a way that felt intentional. Then life happened. Personal stressors, shifting priorities, and emotional overwhelm crept in. I started to feel disconnected from the practices that once kept me grounded.
And then came the self-criticism:
“You’re behind.”
“You’re not doing enough.”
“You should’ve kept it together.”
The more I criticized myself, the harder it became to start again. I felt anxious about everything I hadn’t done, everything I could have done, and everything I might not do in the future. That spiral of guilt and pressure made it feel almost impossible to re-engage.
Letting Go of All-or-Nothing Thinking
One of the most helpful things I’ve leaned on during this time is shifting away from the all or nothing mindset into something more compassionate: all or something.
Instead of trying to fully “fix” my routines, I started with small acts of reconnection:
Grabbing a Yerba Mate before opening my laptop
Taking a shower before bed, even if I didn’t get anything else done
Cleaning one corner of my room, not the whole thing
Walking down the street just to feel the sun again
Taking a deep breath and choosing one thing to focus on
These weren’t huge changes, but they helped. They reminded me that I didn’t have to do everything to be making progress.
Opposite Action in Real Life
When I’m feeling shame or guilt for not keeping up, I tend to shut down and isolate myself. I distract myself with social media or convince myself that nothing I do matters.
DBT’s Opposite Action skill has helped me interrupt that spiral. For me, that’s looked like:
Getting up to stretch or walk, even when my brain says “what’s the point”
If I’m going to be on my phone, at least searching for grocery ideas or recipes
Setting up a meeting that I know I’ll have to attend to help anchor my day
These small moves help gently shift my emotional state without needing me to feel ready.
Rebuilding Routines from Self-Forgiveness
What’s helped most, though, has been letting go of the shame entirely. I’ve had to remind myself: I needed that time to rest. It’s okay that I paused. It's summer. Life is happening. That doesn’t erase all the progress I’ve made.
I used to think self-discipline meant pushing myself harder. Now I’m learning that discipline can look like self-forgiveness. That kindness, such as choosing to ease back into structure rather than punish myself for losing it, has helped me rebuild not just routines, but a relationship with myself.
If you’re in a season like this, I hope you know you don’t need to start over from scratch. You just need to start softly. Pick one thing. Be gentle with yourself. And trust that you’re allowed to return to your life without earning it back.