The Hidden Grief of Major Life Transitions in Our 20s and 30s

By Shannon Hendrick

As the year comes to an end, many people start looking back at where they thought they would be by now. There’s this quiet pressure that shows up every December, almost like a check-in we never signed up for. It’s common to compare the version of ourselves that existed last January with the person we are now, and the gap between those two versions can bring up more emotion than expected. For people in their 20s and 30s, when so much of life feels unsettled or in motion, the New Year can make everything feel even heavier.

Even Good Change Can Carry Grief

Moving to a new city, beginning a different job, ending a relationship, shifting friendships, or realizing that parts of who we were or what life looked like a year ago have changed can carry excitement and possibility, but they can also come with loss. Change often involves losing old routines, people, stability, or even an identity that once felt certain. Most of us aren’t taught to see these experiences as grief, but that’s often exactly what they are. They’re small goodbyes to versions of ourselves that no longer fit.

During our 20s and 30s, these transitions can pile up quickly. Career paths may still feel unclear, and multiple areas of life can feel in flux at the same time. These overlapping changes can leave little space to process one shift before the next one begins. None of this is wrong or signals failure. It is, however, a lot to carry all at once, especially when societal pressure suggests that everything should be “figured out.” 

How The New Year Amplifies These Feelings

The New Year tends to highlight what didn’t get completed, the goals that weren’t met, or the expectations that slipped away. It’s easy to scroll through social media or talk to friends and suddenly feel behind. Social comparison can quietly take over, and that sense of falling short can feel like its own kind of grief. In all of this, it’s easy to turn inward with blame or harsh self-criticism, replaying the should-haves and could-haves that feel especially loud at the end of the year. 

Strategies to Support End of Year Grief

Instead of avoiding uncomfortable feelings or pushing them away, it can help to return to simple grounding practices that provide steadiness. Mindfulness-based strategies such as deep breathing, non-judgmentally noticing and observing thoughts, or spending a few minutes journaling can create a sense of calm and clarity when the New Year feels emotionally charged. 

Another helpful practice is making a list of what was accomplished throughout the year. The list does not need to emphasize only large or impressive milestones. Small acts of perseverance, moments of personal growth, new insights, or simply getting through a difficult transition or period all count as accomplishments. Seeing these written out can shift attention away from perceived shortcomings and toward a more compassionate and complete view of the past year. 

From there, it can help to redirect focus away from rigid resolutions and into something more intentional and balanced. Instead of creating a list of outcomes that must be achieved, our energy can be used to consider how to show up, what to prioritize, or what feels ready to be released in the months ahead. Goals can still matter without determining worth or defining success. Allowing room to adjust timelines, soften standards, and acknowledge these losses or changes can offer a steadier, kinder way to move into the New Year.

A More Compassionate Way to Move Forward

There is something comforting in remembering that life in our 20s and 30s is supposed to feel uncertain and, at times, even messy. Opposing emotions can exist at the same time. Pride and grief can coexist. Hope and disappointment can both be present. It’s possible to step into the New Year with self-compassion, curiosity, and permission not to have all the answers yet.